What Can You Do?

Barriers to belief in Christ or barriers to growth in sanctification can be dealt with in different ways. What can you do to help someone overcome those barriers? The question is somewhat difficult to answer because, as phrased, it is nebulous. It's vague and abstract. It's like asking, "would barriers to belief and sanctification exist without sin?" Well, of course not. On the other hand, is it especially helpful to raise that point and offer no further insight to a believer trying to counsel someone? Of course not. 

You wouldn't go to fellow believer for advice and say, "I'm having a problem in dealing with a family member. The problem is they're sinners." Getting advice is excellent and one of the first things a believer should do in a concrete situation. But then they should also express the situation in concrete terms. As such, the rest of this post won't feign to give comprehensive answers, because situations differ. There are many proximate causes of barriers to faith or good works. 

Apologists tend to think in terms of rationality and argumentation. This may be what is called for, but as I've said elsewhere, apologetics is a practical enterprise. It takes some skill and experience to have a sense for what is helpful for people and when it is helpful for them. Not every issue someone experiences is a nail that needs to be hammered. Not every situation in which you are trying to offer counsel requires a syllogistic argument. 

Some people are ready talkers. They raise issues when they realize they have issues - although in some cases, the issues they raise are more so symptoms of underlying issues they don't even realize they have. This is as true in relationships with others as it is with one's relationship to Christ. A fight with a spouse may be triggered by one event but have an underlying cause due to unresolved past events ("Do I trust him or her?"; "Does he or she care about me?"; "Do I have any worth?"). If someone is reaching out to you for assistance, listening is important (to nonverbals as well as verbals; link).  

Other people are avoidant. They don't want to make the first step in reaching out for assistance. In such cases, probing questions may be useful. Have a target goal for your conversation. A goal can be as challenging as bringing up a difficult topic, like inviting an apathetic family member to church - "Hey, have you considered...?"; "I was just thinking, would you be interested in...?" - and then, without being pushy or harping on the issue every time you see them, letting them know every so often that you hope they will be blessed by and be a blessing for others. Or your target in a conversation can be as simple as disarming someone: showing vulnerability; not jumping them for having an area of disagreement; not caving to the pressures of a situation; not ignoring their questions; showing that you enjoyed talking to them; etc. 

Having goals may facilitate others being able to see you in a different light than they did before or view you differently than they view others - approachable yet truthful, honest yet tactful (cf. Colossians 4:6). Facilitating a relationship in this way is not manipulative, by the way. You're supposed to love others and want what is best for them. You're supposed to act Christ-like. You don't know who has been chosen by God to receive grace sufficient to convict them of sin, much less how He has ordained for this to take place in time.

Finally, there are some situations which require more forceful action. The above scenarios presuppose those with whom we interact are not actively antagonistic to the faith. But persecution - in contemporary America, this typically takes the form of religious ridicule - is unavoidable. There is not only one right course of action in these (and other) circumstances. Because apologetic engagement is practical, Christians often have some liberty in how they act - so long as it is in accordance with truth. In some contexts, this may mean removing yourself and those who are with you from a derisive situation. It is not a cowardly suppression of truth to protect others or yourself from aggressors or temptations (cf. destruction of Jerusalem; Joseph and Potiphar's wife; Christ Himself hid at times). In other contexts, your conscience may lead you to stand up for truth without even fearing death (cf. Stephen; Christ's crucifixion). However you respond: what's the goal? What's your hope? Consider these questions in subservience to God's word: having a conscious, godly goal you are aiming toward makes it easier to walk a godly path.

As I said above, we should always keep in mind that we have no control over how others will respond to our engagement with them. And we can't forcibly change one's ethical orientation. Nevertheless, we can always do something. Calvinism is not fatalism, and what we do makes a difference. Thinking about or planning for different situations before they happen helps one to be prepared to actually follow through when it comes time to make good (whether proactive or responsive). The less we reflect, the more apt we may be to hesitate on how to rightly respond when particular opportunities arise for exemplifying particular fruits of the Spirit.

Regardless of how others (or even we) respond, all things Christians experience have been ordained for a reason. The Spirit will use our experience to some end that is good for us, others, or both - even if, in the moment, we don't understand how. I tend to try to live with Romans 8:28 in the back of my mind, and it saves me from anxiety. In fact, my struggle is less with assurance (keeping the big picture in mind) and more with daily application (focusing on immediate needs). I tend to need to set conscious, proximate goals for myself or make little progress. My weakness may be another's strength and vice versa: each of us needs the support of others (Hebrews 10:24-25).